Our Needs Part One: Less Self Confidence

At the Banner of Truth Conference earlier this year, Iaian Murray shared some thoughts concerning our present needs. I'd like to share some of those with you intermixed with some of my own thoughts.

The first need that he articulated was that of "the need for less self-confidence."

The truth is that we do not know ourselves. Our hearts are deceptive and opinions of ourselves are much too lofty. The way we get to know who we really are is 1) in the Scriptures, 2) from failure.

Spurgeon warned his ministerial students that early success in ministry could be a great disaster. He said: "Censure prepares a man for usefulness" and that "praise intoxicates you." I can see that clearly in my own experience. We are now working on our third church plant. The first church plant that we (meaning my wife and I) worked on came right out of seminary and was our first "full time" ministry experience. Fortunately (and unfortunately) it was a great success. We went from zero to approaching the 200 mark in morning worship during our stay there, had quite a few baptisms and are growth was mostly from conversions and church dropouts as opposed to transfers.

When we felt that the Lord was calling us on to our second church plant we were taking with us the gained knowledge and wisdom from our experience in the first one- and our pride (maybe I should stop saying "we" and "our" now and say "me"!). Okay, so I took MY pride with me. I remember clearly thinking that, if we did as well as we did in our first plant with no prior church planting experience, just think of what we could do now with one under our belt! Rehoboth Beach (where we were heading) better look out because we were coming and we were going to turn that place upside down for Christ! Now, understand that, all the while, I was, at least verbally, acknowledging that God was the one who built our first church and would be the author of the next....but how lucky He was to have me as the planter!!

Well, the next church didn't ever grow wings and fly. Despite the greater knowledge, despite the experience, despite the larger capital at our disposal, despite a number of things that we had going for us that we did not have in our first plant, it went nowhere. We tried everything. And while we did see God move in and change some folks hearts, the church as a whole was dead in the water. I wept, I pleaded, I shouted. I didn't see it then, but I see it clearly now, God was shutting that thing down, at least in part, to teach me a lesson. No finger pointing needed to happen except in my own direction. The one thing that we did not have in the second plant that we had in the first, was humility. Maybe that was the most important ingredient that brought life to that work.

Now working on our third plant, I pray that God will remind me of Who it is that builds the church and that I will be faithful to trust in Him alone (that would explain my-sometimes admittedly over the top-aversion to church growth methodologies- they are simply too man centered for me to stomach and I don't want to go there again).

Iaian pointed out that there is a sad discrepancy between what we believe about prayer and what we actually do. Why? Well Psalm 10:4 says that "in the pride of his face the wicked to not seek Him; all his thoughts are, 'There is no God.'" We have the same affliction that non-believers have: our lack of prayer comes from (and is a sign of) pride. We do not pray because our pride is not dead.

When Jacob wrestled with the angel, it was not until his hip was knocked out of socket that he grasped the angel and really prayed.

I now pray two prayers: 1) that I do not come to the place where my hip needs to be knocked out of socket- I want to learn the lesson without having to go through the pain if at all possible; 2) that when the pain does come, that I do not resent it, but that I have the wisdom to say to God: "do not allow the pain to depart until I have learned the lesson that you intend to teach me through it."